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Deconstruct Until Complete

The colour images that you can see if you scroll down the page were created on 24th October, 2011. The book of my best 200 Pinholes Photographs and Solargraphs taken over the past 7 years can be purchased below, and the film will appear here in May. The project, the book, has no title yet, as I write this, and maybe it never will have, as words aren't exactly flowing well at the moment. An exciting/difficult phase of life has been reached - a relationship break up, a business break down, moving home, perhaps to a new part of the world, who knows, all happening at once - and it seems that much of what I am just might be built on sand. Which wouldn’t be such an issue, if the tide, in the shape of realisation and a wish to be the best I can be, wasn’t in the process of coming in. It’s been almost twenty years since I acted purely for me. During that time I've kicked against partners, probably in directions I'd never have bothered going in on my own accord, and also allowed myself to be heavily influenced by friends. Some of them, the artist Billy Childish for instance, have been of very strong opinions that I’ve been all too ready to take on board, not knowing if they were really my own or just those of somebody I admired. How can I be sure, I think as I sit here, that what I’ve become is a result of my own wishes, and experience, and not of those around me? Of course, I can’t be.  I also have had a habit of taking refuge in what I think I have achieved. But even if my sort of achievement were worth anything, the past was not as the photos and the ready memories would have it portrayed. How ignorantly have I treated people around me? Very, is the answer, although the photos won’t tell you that, naturally. Photos only relay the truth offered by their maker (hence the increased truth available in a pinhole image, which is made in conjunction with the world, and chance, both of which have no notion of falsehoods). And what of value could I have learned back then, as closed as I was to influence, what knowledge that has formed the all too often immature views I spout so easily today, what use it that to me now? Recently, whilst going through my possessions, to see what was important enough to join me in the car and what would be left behind, I came to the photo album. And there I was, from aged 14 onwards, all fake smile and self obsession, probably about to put the knife into goodness knows who's heart. What memories are these to hold onto? What point in remembering, now that the lessons have started to be learned and the memory therefore only of further good for creating disharmony. And even if I was a nice man back then, and somebody worth remembering, I read years ago something by Bill Burroughs that went, 'Only those who can leave everything behind can ever hope to escape.'   It rang true then, it does now. Of course, putting my best photos into a book and burning the rest is nothing, especially because by rights it all should’ve gone on the fire if I were strong enough, but it is a platform, and I can work on myself now, and say, ok, lets take you back to zero, to the still point of being a human being. Forget all that you have become, and that you did, back then, and become what you are. Start again. That means I’ve got to put down the pinhole cameras, for a while, think about it all, and if I want to pick them up again, when I’m sure it’s because I want to and not because some other person is telling me it’s the way to go, then I’ll do so. Deconstruct all the way, until complete, that is the game. And there, without being cute or re-writing a hundred times, as near to stream of consciousness as I get, I just got my book title. If you keep banging on, or navel gazing as the smart set like to call it, perhaps it all comes to you in the end. Buy the Book Here Deconstruct Until Complete Special Edition Featuring over 200 of my favourite Pinhole Photographs taken since I first picked up a pinhole camera in 2005. Images portray the UK, Europe, Malawi, India, Sri Lanka, Turkey, Morocco, Thailand and Cambodia. The book also features a handful of my best Solargraphs. This Special Edition has a cream coloured cover and comes with a Solargraph that doesn't feature in the book (the image will be emailed to you high res so you can enlarge it as big as A3 size). Each book comes with it's own unique, recent Solargraph, no 2 are alike. There are only 10 of these Special Editions printed, and each is numbered and signed. Please select your region UK inc P&P £27.50 GBP Europe inc P&P £30.50 GBP Rest of World inc P&P £35.50 GBP   Deconstruct Until Complete Regular First Edition This Regular Edition is identical on the inside to the Special Edition and has a blue coloured cover. There are only 15 of these Regular First Editions printed and each is numbered and signed. Please select your region UK inc P&P £16.50 GBP Europe inc P&P £19.50 GBP Rest of World inc P&P £24.50 GBP Photos below are not featured in the book.

Holiday Camp, 1982, and Paris, 1985

Bruge, 1986

Venice, and Monte Carlo, 1987

Sicily, and Pisa, 1988

Fontainbleu, 1986, Sicily, 1987 and Rio de Janeiro, 1992

The Equator, Ecuador,  and Manchu Pichu, Peru, 1992

New Zealand, and Australia, 1992

Java and Bali, 1992, and Cairo, 1989

Kenya and Zambezi River, 1994, and Angola, 1995

Zimbabwe and Uganda, 1994

Egypt, Botswana and Slovakia, mid 1990's

Skydiving, Kent 1995 and Pinhole Developing, Egypt, 2004

Belgium, 1986, and Burkina Faso, 1999

Thailand, 2008

I had also kept a few images of people and events that'd inspired me. Not things that I want to forget, but baggage all the same. And plus, these good people and happenings are engraved in my head forever. There's no need for any photos.

Bonzai Reservoir and Fuzz at Parklife; an afternoon of music that encouraged me to get involved in the Medway music scene.

An American trip to try to find rock and roll, 1991

Faces that were kind enough to give me a warm welcome, Kurdistan

Faces that were kind enough to give me a warm welcome, Mali

Mexico, and Egypt

Egypt

Egypt

Sunset, Urban Fox and 1000 or so negatives I am not my name, my job, my bank balance, my clothes, my friends or my choice of leisure pursuit. I am not my point of view on how life should be. I am not my brain. I am not my religion. I am not my desperation. I may find that I am just a pulse of life, with no reason. I may find that I am not actually interested in what I am, and that this is just a sham. I may find that there is nothing worth the effort of escape. I will contine to take photos of the examination, until maybe comes the time when the camera itself has to go.